She Needs: Why We Need This Book
A Short Review And Some Stories Of My Own
Reading this book was something I wanted to do for a while.
Knowing the great work Nay Dawson has been doing in this area and in Passion for Evangelism, I assumed it would be good and helpful and I wasn’t disappointed.
Nay gives space for many other voices, women who spoke with clarity and honesty of their experiences. I really appreciated hearing stories similar to my own within the spheres of ministry I have worked in both in the past and now in my current work.
The book, although gentle in tone, speaks with strength about what needs to change to honour women well, encourage gifting and show how we can all work together for God’s Kingdom.
It was a masterpiece of grace in what is a painful place for many women, whilst speaking wisdom to our brothers in the evangelical church.
It brought back many memories of my own, some of which I will talk about later.
In the church I've attended since I was a teenager - and still go to, I am a mission partner. I have always been respected and treated with honour. Yes, there have been ‘moments’, but that is normal when church is family.
I would say I’m closer to egalitarian than complementarian, but most (although not all) of my ‘tribe’ would err more towards the complementarian view.
I’m comfortable with that for two reasons:
- The way this is lived out in my church is not toxic and input from women is always welcomed and sought.
- My church leadership has always seen me as capable and gifted in my ministry and I'm supported within it.
However, outside my church is a different matter altogether.
Here’s just two stories:
Story 1. I was asked to do some children’s work at a church that was close to my family.
As a children’s evangelist I explained the gospel to the children - something I love to do. But the backlash for having the audacity to 'teach what only a man can teach’ was really painful.
There then began a campaign from their church leadership, talking to other conservative churches across the area and telling them not to use me. Just because I explained the Gospel clearly to children.
Thankfully one leader ignored this, incurring some wrath as a result. It was an enormous encouragement and one of the reasons I stayed in ministry.
Nearly 30 years later there are still repercussions from that moment, along with spoilt relationships that have been difficult to rebuild….and I’ve tried!
Story 2: For many years I volunteered on a camp that was organised by the church I grew up in. The camp was for disabled children and young people. I'd helped there since I was 14, although I took a break from it whilst doing my nursing training, but stepped back in as soon as I could after that.
This was the camp that grounded my vision for more disability inclusive churches and set the trajectory for following God’s calling in this area.
Two years after I began in children’s ministry I married Steve and I was then asked to take on the teaching for the camp. Only being asked to do this after I was married should have been the first red flag…
The camp was held in a place near a regular holiday destination. As a result, christians on holiday who came from the same city as me would come to the camp on a Sunday morning, instead of a local church.
Apart from the obvious safeguarding issues, this caused many other issues for me.
Complaints started to come in about being taught by a woman in the 'service' - regardless of the fact this meeting wasn’t for them anyway. It wasn't a service, it was a meeting for the campers. Nonetheless,
I was asked to hand over the main teaching on the Sunday to Steve.
I wrote the teaching, but Steve had to teach it because of adult visitors who shouldn’t have been there in the first place.
We went with this, just because I wanted to be there for the kids - many of whom I’d nursed, some whom are still friends.
It was the second and larger red flag.
The final straw was the year I ran the camp (Lots of complicated reasons as to how that came about).
As we were getting ready for a day out with the campers, I asked one of the helpers to do something for the camper he was caring for that week. He hadn’t noticed an issue because he was so busy reading his Oswald Chamber’s famous devotional.
After I had requested he did something, the answer he gave completely flabbergasted me: “My dad says I don’t have to do what you say - because you’re a woman”.
After the many, many years I had been helping on that camp, we made the difficult decision to leave. We didn’t want our presence to affect the campers.
By that time, Steve was the camp treasurer.
We arrived at the debrief meeting after the camp, and kindly told them that we had come to the conclusion it would be best for the campers if we stepped down.
Steve handed over the accounts.
No one prayed for us.
No-one said thanks for your many years of service.
Just Silence.
We quietly left the room with not a word spoken.
It felt as though they we relieved and glad we'd gone.
I was in tears, feeling as though my heart had been ripped from a camp I loved.
It was horrible.
This type of complementarianism is destructive and toxic.
The anger has gone now, but that experience still hurts. It also damaged my confidence for years.
This is why we need a book like ‘She Needs’ and why we need to be discussing it.
It also gave me the confidence to tell these two stories - stories I've never felt I could tell before now.
Thankyou Nay.
